Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
