I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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