Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
