i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
