there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
its liver damage thursday
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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