Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
