After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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