I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
