woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
