Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
