no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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