he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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