We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
