Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
