I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
