i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
