There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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