ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
