90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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