I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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