A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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