he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
