Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
