so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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