When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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