the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
