dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
