He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
