who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
