Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
