You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
