I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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