Joe is yelling at the trees again.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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