I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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