My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
