Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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