we're blogging at a bar
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
