I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
