You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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