I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
