it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
