Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
