he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
