Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
