the condom got lost in my hair
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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