dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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