Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
