i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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