I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
