Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
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they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
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I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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