I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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