ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
