dude i'm inner monologue high
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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