I cannot find my penis.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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