Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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