So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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