Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
