I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
