the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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