kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
