All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
