Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you had me at cake vodka
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
