i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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