I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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