I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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