I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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