Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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