I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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